Do you ever feel out of place or wonder what your next step is supposed to be?
Yeah, I used to feel like that and wonder those things, too, and I thought – well, if I become my own boss then those feelings will go away. I’ll know what’s going on at all times, I’ll be FREE.
So when I made that decision and got to the be-my-own-boss place, I looked around and was like, F#@K! I’m still confused.
And worse, no one was telling me what to do, so I had to decide on my own what those to-dos were.
Being My Own Boss Made My Foibles Apparent
The result was just more of ME – my mistakes, my behaviors, my decisions, and my beliefs. A lot of me wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, it just didn’t end up as being that functional.
These were definitely things that made me cry.
I hadn’t realized I was headed towards a huge transformation.
I hadn’t gotten to that point with the most healthy growth and the Jenga puzzle of who I was being been about to fall down.
You see, becoming more responsible for my path would allow me to see how ungreat I was at parts of life, and on my own, it all compounded. The confidence and direction that I thought would magically show up would not just appear without major surgery.
Getting New Information Transformed My Business and My Life
I took a really bold stand for myself when I saw the broken pieces of my vision all over the floor and got new information. This looked like a lot of coaching, therapy, attending conferences about growth, online classes, purging, and trying new things.
You want to know what the behind the scenes was like? In short, me screaming with tears of emotional pain, feelings…lots of feelings, people hating me left and right – including people I loved, crippling physical pain, a weeks worth of puking…I’m not kidding. I did all that and more, just to get to the other side.
So…making strides toward the new me? Yeah, that created a lot of chaos in my life that made me cry, even though I knew it was all for relief from my initial pain of feeling miserable in my business. Transformation looked pretty ugly. I loved it, though. I was seeing results.
Mainly the hard things happened when I found resistance to the changes I needed to make, although some changes came easy.
None of it would stop me, no matter what showed up to try. Oh, and did I mention I needed to keep Flourish running in a functional manner the whole time? #handledlikeaboss
Changing How I was Doing Things Would Make Me Uncomfortable
It was very scary to decide to change because I had to create discomfort.
I am so grateful for all the places and people through which I found this new information, and the strength to move through the million reasons to stop. I had done most of my inner growth over a dense few years and the results were really impressive.
At the same time, I made sure to surround myself in beauty to reiterate who I was becoming inside and to comfort myself when things were extra hard.
I’ve made it really far, and I found confidence and direction in knowing who I am, and now my challenges are different. You see, I want to build relationships that reflect the new version of me.
All the Growing Pains Were Worth It
Today I cried remembering what those early business days were like. Being inside a whirlwind of transformation is really challenging, yet for me it was necessary. I wanted to be a happy person. I saw that as life’s goal, and I wouldn’t let anything stop me.
My tears, though, were not for me. They were for my friends. I had come to make really dear friends who also run businesses and they tell me a lot about what they go through. They tell me they want things like more money, better clients, to be less busy, relief from the fear of their businesses failing, to raise their kids right, to not be afraid to create their art, the strength to leave a marriage, and relief from depression just to name a few. Then I see how unwilling they are to make a transformation to make a stand for all the things they believe in.
I listen and hold space for change for my coaching clients. I prefer to allow my friends to be themselves without my coaching lens present.
That’s why it hurts so much when I watch people who are in these stuck places where only major transformation will get them to their joy…and when they choose ‘stuck’ sometimes I cry because I know that pain.
When I see people choosing stuck, do you think I keep them as friends? I can’t, the other reason for my tears. It doesn’t mean these people are bad. Most people will never be open to big changes. It also means they will drag me down if I stay.
A life of beauty and freedom certainly comes with a price. I found that beauty and freedom are actually the results of the constant change.
We are natural born Change Agents. It is our birthright to grow and evolve. It is nature happening through us.
To Thrive Requires Constant Change
In fact, it starts to hurt when we don’t evolve. That’s where that confusion and lack of direction comes from. You only get it back when you have a fierce commitment to who you are.
I named Flourish what I did because I wanted myself and others to THRIVE and I still laugh at how relevant and wonderful that word has been for my entrepreneurial journey.
Some people make me out to be wrong because I have a commitment to change. If it requires transformation to be surrounded in beauty and have a heart full of joy, then bring on the haters.
That’s another thing I want to point out – if being you and finding your direction comes at the cost of losing the good graces and others, then it is completely ok to do so because they don’t know what’s right for you.
In fact, if I could give you one piece of wisdom from my own growth in working with some really talented growth masters it is this:
There will always be moments when you are tempted to stop. KEEP GOING.
Knowing direction and certainty just FEELS good. I certainly felt like I was under construction before I made it here. It still can, I just keep going.
Even if you don’t understand your direction, keep taking steps. The way will reveal itself if you are so open to receiving direction and…be willing to change.
If you want to manifest some serious transformation with my support, click here to apply for my one on one coaching program.