I’m kinda over all the movies and songs that say a person can’t live without another person.
Those are codependent musings.
Sure, breakups hurt and it feels lovely to have a rich connection with a person, but we are still individuals. Another person doesn’t complete us.
In light of the two high profile suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I reflected on the one thing that threatens my own grounding at times. And it scared me.
I looked up to both of them as influencers and business moguls. They appeared to be so good at breaking the rules and very confident in being themselves.
No matter how high I climb or how centered I get, a temptation to derail arrives…and it comes in the form of the need to belong.
People spend a lot of time and energy trying to belong to the things outside of themselves and they end up moving further away from who they are in the process. For those who aren’t connecting with their truth, the world outside, especially a romantic partner, might appear to have the answers, and it never does.
There is a thriving ecosystem of codependency in our culture and I see it crippling a lot of people’s growth, especially creatives.
Only we know what we need for ourselves and when we don’t answer that call to action we start to look for it from others and from outward things.
Strangely, being true to ourselves can require some of the largest amounts of courage possible, so I understand the need to belong to a person, a group of people, or a movement with an alternate identity as a way to alleviate the scary parts of being authentic.
But the longer we lie to ourselves, the more challenging it is to re-calibrate. Belonging to others is painful because they can never give us what we need.
The only solution is to belong to oneself. Essentially it means loving oneself more than others.
I’ve found that the easiest way to do this is to become ruthless about your ‘belongings’. Stay absolutely courageous about being who you really are. Edit all people, places, and things in your life that do not reflect who you truly are.
It’s kinda what I’m all about in a huge way. Real Manifestors like me use their strength of belonging to themselves to create the foundation they need to build a strong tribe of one.
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