Have you ever been fired up about something but weren’t sure if you were being heard, or if anybody cared? Have you ever wanted to start offering services or create a business from a place of true passion but spent time hiding from your calling? Sure, these scenarios are common in creating businesses. It’s scary to get it out there.
But what if you felt this way about your life?
What if it seems like no one really cares about who you really are? Like your inner amazingness doesn’t really matter? Have you built a business, and it just doesn’t add up to what you thought it would be? It sucks to feel this way. It’s how I felt when I was first in business. As I struggled in my personal life, I didn’t think my shortcomings would effect my business. I would come to find out personal lives effect professional lives.
It turns out that I wasn’t living my truth and the result were things like depression, shame, and guilt. I felt like I had a fake life even though I was trying so hard. The reason I corrected my disconnection is that I was fed up with not knowing what I was supposed to be doing with myself. I thought it had something to do with my lack of joy in my career. I was wrong, there was as systemic issue.
Feeling Disconnected Had to Stop
Once I had gotten married, designed a business within my passion, and bought a house I was more miserable than ever. I realized I needed to do some major surgery on my life. The milestones I had looked so forward to only reiterated who I wasn’t being. There was something missing. I wasn’t being myself.
Essentially I didn’t know how to be myself.
This is a common scenario, and nothing to be ashamed of. I had simply strayed far from my truth by believing things about the environment I was in. Things like, ‘This is all I’m capable of,‘ ‘I guess I’m just going to have to settle here,‘ and other lies. I had decided to change since I thought I had arrived and my arrival felt awful. Even though I can be very stubborn, I became open to the possibility that someone could help me. I needed a complete transformation. No way would I live a life of struggle.
Having Accountability and Follow Through Allowed for Big Changes
These are the things I did to stop feeling like a stranger to myself:
- hired a coach
- implemented a new perspective over and over and over again
- changed my environment COMPLETELY
- let go of false beliefs that were running my life
- started reconnecting with my inner wisdom with baby steps
- NEVER STOPPED the transformation
To reconnect with who I was being I had to go on a journey without a roadmap. At first, I did it to save my business, but looking back I realized that it saved my life. Personal lives effect professional lives because they are inseparable. Your entire environment of people, places, and things are all a reflection of who you are. One of the things that made my business transformation a lasting success is that I changed my personal environment ruthlessly.
My environment would be the mirror I looked at to see what wasn’t working.
There were times when I had work to do on myself and I would feel at an impasse. Sometimes to get back into gear I would take a huge load of crap to the thrift store or purge some clothes. At this time I was beginning to shed my lack of boundaries, my tolerating nature, and my wounded self worth. Getting rid of the physical representation of these behaviors in my life was very personal. It felt raw and right to shed these things.
While I worked to ensure money came in through my business by undoing my destructive business behaviors, I could see they originated in my personality. Being required to fix the core me and not just the business me was how my business changed. It wasn’t about finding a new system for parts of my business. My business transformed because I did.
No Stone Left Unturned, I Changed My World
Once I gained momentum and saw the results in my business and in my emotional health I made larger material changes. I sold my house, kicked my husband out, and got rid of all my possessions. To do this, I had to ignore how much money I did not have to do that, who would hate me if I did, and how it could all fail.
My whole life was on the line because my whole life was at stake.
I had built a life that didn’t look like me, even though I tried my hardest to make it cozy and beautiful. It just wasn’t authentically who I really was. It kills me to hear of how many couples stay together because they have built an entire environment together. A house, a friend circle, traditions at holidays, kids, pets, and material things can create a sticky story to break open. If a couple isn’t happy together, the story will contain layer upon layer of dysfunction with ripple effects.
These are fake lives. I was living a fake life when I woke up. My marriage was one of the biggest trappings I had created. It was so scary to leave. Personal lives effect professional lives when the layers of dysfunction ripple into your business personality. When my web of personal falsehood started to unravel I could see how my personal cowardice was making me fall short for my clients. The small wife I had to be to stay in my marriage was preventing me from owning my role in my business properly.
Choosing Happiness Over Unhappy Marriage Takes Courage
Leaving my marriage took three years of coaching and self-growth to work up to. I knew the cost of staying would be my freedom through my business and my personal joy. I had no concept of how life could look without him, though. Even though I logically knew staying with an alcoholic who was abusive was not ideal, it took a lot of internal work to make it happen. It shook my entire world to leave. One week after I did, business doubled.
Personal transformations go deep, and it can be way scarier than just looking at your business. Trying to grow your business without healing your personal life is only a loosing endeavor. I couldn’t hide from my personal life in my business. No one wanted to hire a wounded soul who tolerated abuse. When I became happy, healthy, and whole, however, I was magnetic.
Here’s how I found who I was when I wasn’t sure where to begin:
- cleared out what wasn’t working in my life including all people, places and things
- stepped into the unknown again and again
- refused to stay stuck, as my life was on the line
- undid what wasn’t working, no matter what was at stake
- connected with my truth, even if I failed often trying to find it
This process was about love. I had to love myself first in order to love others the best and serve my clients well. Have you noticed it is uncommon for people to put the love of their own selves before everyone else? If you’re struggling with that roadmap to love your #1, then I cheerlead you to reconnect. No one can want your happiness more than you. If you really want it and need that new perspective, trust me, the perfect outcome for you exists.
If you want to enjoy some of the shortcuts I have put together about reconnecting with who you are, I’ve got them for you! Just grab the free worksheet by signing up on the right.